Reinventing Romance

February 13th, 2020

Saint Valentine is well known as the patron saint of love, happy marriage and low-end gift shops that sell surprisingly expensive cards. Okay, that last one may have been slightly exaggerated (or completely made up) but interesting fact: amongst others, he is genuinely also the patron saint of beekeepers, plague and epilepsy.

It’s funny how even in the very best card shops it’s hard to find a good plague card to send out on February 14th.

Love and lovers are most definitely his best-known areas of expertise, so remembering this and the fact that we here at Innovate offer expert worldwide patent searches, let’s take a look at how Valentine’s Day may have influenced some entries into the various patent databases around the world.

1 – Love Transmission Device (CN202487173)

For those who are keen to embark on an exciting journey of love, getting started can be tricky. How do you tell your potential mate that you have a whole lot of love to transmit their way? You use a Love Transmission Device of course! A heart-shaped screen with audio functions allows you to record a suitable message to ensure that your would-be beloved knows your feelings. If they don’t respond in kind, at least you know that there’s a good chance you’ll feature in their dreams (and yes, a nightmare is technically still a dream).

2 – Dancing Doll (US2754121)

Once a gentleman has been successful in getting a lady to agree to attend a date, he must surely not let the opportunity pass by and needs to prepare diligently.
Proving that relationships have been around since at least 1953, US2754121 details a doll that can help a young man learn to dance. And if the dalliance ends up with your would-be partner in hospital due to trampled feet, well at least you still have a silent, non-judgemental and ever-ready partner waiting for you at home.

3 – “Lovers Arm Heat Preservation Sleeve Structure That Hands In Hand” (CN207707346)

Now, maybe the date went well enough that despite the crippling injuries to her feet, the young lady agreed to meet again. What better invention for young lovers taking a stroll on a chilly afternoon than an additional pocket on the sleeve of a jacket that allows the users to walk arm-in-arm but without the uncomfortable side effect of chilly fingers.
While we’re here, I’m sure we’d all like to congratulate the man in the illustration for this patent document who has managed to attract a lover, despite having no discernible facial features. Perhaps there is a lesson here for us less successful daters.

4 – “Couple Foot Bath Healthcare Boot-Shaped Barrel” (CN202458092)

After all that dancing and walking in the cold air, your feet are bound to be aching. But don’t worry, finally there is a foot spa for two! You can happily flush away the pain, blood and verrucas together as you talk about just where you see this relationship going. No chance of getting cold feet with this one (unless you use the wrong tap or your boiler is broken).

5 –“A protection suit” (GB201418532)

Perhaps after several months of courting, a moment of great significance has arisen and as a couple you decide to express your love physically. Of course it’s very important that adequate protection is used in these circumstances and GB201418532 details a prophylactic “made from a plastic material, which may be transparent or produced in a range of colours, and is worn over the head and torso to cover the body [and] helps to contain any body fluids or infectious agents/pathogens”. As the coronavirus continues to spread, you and your partner can enjoy erotic intimacy without unpleasant sneezes. Just remember to ensure adequate ventilation.

6 – “Wedding Seeking Mobile Phone Charging Shell” (CN209545648)

And finally we reach the grand conclusion of our Valentine’s journey – the proposal! This is such a momentous moment, especially after you thought she had two left feet when you first went dancing. But her fun personality and tolerance of you not having a face have turned it round and now you cannot imagine life without her.
But you don’t want this magical occasion to slip by unrecorded. You want to be able to relive the moment at least three times in the future and you reckon it will be good for at least a dozen likes on Instagram. But how on earth do you capture her surprise without giving the game away? Luckily this patent describes a combined phone charging case and engagement ring holder. Your phone will always be fully charged and ready to record her reaction. Let’s hope it captures her wonderful shock and tears of joy, rather than a figure running into the distance whilst screaming.